Luxury I can't afford

It's no secret that I like a glass of wine, and that I have been known to cross the threshold of Majestic from time to time.

The Majestic connection is the only thing I can think of that might explain why the postman has delivered me a fat glossy brochure from a company called Spiral Cellars, who specialise in coming to your home, excavating a large hole in the floor and installing a lavish mini-cellar with spiral staircase, accessed by a large glass (or wood) hatch in the floor which will certainly impress your friends. It is designed to hold (by my standards, anyway) quite a large number of bottles.

I say large, but everything's relative, obviously. The smallest cellar in the range holds 650 bottles, which may not be a huge number but comfortably exceeds the largest total routinely to be found in our garage - maybe 20 or 25. I can appreciate the convenience, though. As one happy customer testimonialises:

"We used to keep our wine in a temperature-controlled warehouse. It became hard work always having to think ahead about what wine to have delivered to the house to drink in the short term, and in quantities of full cases. Now I have everything in one place, and a wine for every occasion to hand. What's more, the money I save on warehousing and deliveries means I have more to spend on wine."

The money saved might also, of course, help you to partially recoup the cost of the project, which appears to be upwards of £15,000 or so. How quickly the effect of the saving might be felt would obviously depend on your household's consumption of wine. Of course getting through the amount required to make a truly significant saving might leave you struggling to assess what the saving might be - or to get to a handle on anything else, for that matter.

I don't think I can afford to be taking this idea up. I mean, the suggestion is already offered in this household, from time to time, that I appear to be an alcoholic. What assessment of my character might result from a decision to go in for one of these?

If you can afford it: http://www.spiralcellars.com/

Carry On: Mind My Meat And Two Veg

The time is out of joint...

Anyone who had the feeling that the humour of the Carry On films was a bit, well, prehistoric will have had their suspicions confirmed by this image of Neanderthal man which seems to indicate almost a direct line to the late Sid James.

The meat and two veg headline which which reinforced the Carry On connection made it almost too neat to be true. It has all the characteristics of an April 1 offering which accidentally got out too soon. Which, on reflection, has all the logic.

The only other explanation could be that, with the research having gone on at an American institution, all those concerned were not familiar with the Carry On oeuvre and so failed to spot, as their portrait took shape, that a cinema icon had somehow made an uncanny appearance. That can't be likely, though, surely?

http://tinyurl.com/26xhfwf

The post freezes

Post early for Christmas, the Royal Mail used to say.

Perhaps they also should have said: If you leave it a bit late, don’t expect any help from us.

This was the main post box by the post office in Dorchester (there is no longer one actually at the post office) at 3pm on the last Saturday before Christmas.

I wasn't trying to post any mail myself, but I think I would have been a little irritated if I had. At the busiest time of the year for post, can Royal Mail really not be bothered to keep the main box in the county town open?

Yes, there was lots of snow on Sat. But it hadn't closed the road between the post box and the sorting office (around quarter of a mile away).

So this is Christmas.. what HAVE you done?

Invaluable advice from Debretts has reached one today via Twitter, just in time to save one from making some unfortunate Christmas faux pas.

It can be found here: http://bit.ly/e3wQoK

I wonder what Debretts would make of this item I have just received:
http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=2532346738879&source=jl999

Cecil Sharp: start revolving

Musing about musical genres, the thought occurs that while evolution in the last few decades has produced folk rock, country rock, jazz rock, jazz funk etc, there hasn’t been jazz folk.

At first sight, not a very promising concept, some would say. At first listen they would probably say much the same thing. Or worse.

But it’s got novelty. And it fills a gap. If you were a hammer dulcimer player with a penchant for extended improvisation, what outlet would exist for you at present?

Other sub-genres would be likely to evolve. Folk-funk, for instance. Imagine a grooving 45-minute interpretation of The Barnyards of Delgaty.

An enticing prospect.

Trucking on (with ten forward gears and a Georgia overdrive)

Making some progress with the UK firms who sound like country stars. Among the contributions on Facebook are Eddie Stobart (thanks Marco Rossi), Clancy Docwra (Anna Jenkins) plus Edwin Shirley and Eldridge Pope (Will Birch).

A few more and I’ll be able to allocate them the right tunes and start grouping them by sub-genre, viz (as they used to say): ‘White line fever’, Eddie Stobart; ‘Six days on the road’, Edwin Shirley.

Pulling over from the highway to whatever might be Dorset’s equivalent of the honky tonk (it would be in Weymouth, obviously), it’s Eldridge Pope with ‘Tonight the bottle let me down’.

Having a railroad background, Clancy Docwra would be well placed to deliver, say, ‘The wreck of the old 97’ or ‘Green light on the southern’.

Lowering the tone a bit, Will has suggested that Travis Perkins (something related to the building game is needed for him) might render 'Can I go down to the basement (if I fix your leaky roof)’.

I think we need to keep it country, not music hall. And getting no Google result whatsoever for ‘Basement’, I have to query whether it has any history at all. Surely Will wouldn’t have sullied his legacy to popular music by perpetrating this one himself? It would be nearly as bad as writing a song about a laughing gnome or something.

In terms of names, Travis Perkins is still just about top of my chart, but finding material for him isn't easy. Anyone got any country tunes which would fit with the supply of building materials?

Slim pickings

Passing Travis Perkins (builders' merchants) the other day, the thought occurred: I wonder how many other UK companies have names that sound as if they belong to country and western singers?

Probably loads, I thought, but so far I have only come up with Ward Goodman (a Dorset firm of accountants). Curtis Brown (a literary agency) initially appealed, but really he sounds more in the Chicago blues sort of line.

Anyone else got any contributions?